There's a Hole in the Universe the Exact Same Size as the Hole in my Heart

There's a hole in the Universe in the shape of a man with a crinkly-eyed smile. The shape of a man in a flannel shirt with a thousand and one stories. Who rubs his palms together, eyes bright and says "You're gonna love this one". Then laughs at the good part of the story so hard he has to tell it twice.

He wears aviator sunglasses, kept carefully in a case and he knows the desert like the back of his hand. He can get slivers out with a pocket knife more gently than most people can with tweezers. He can light a match on his jeans. All his jeans have a white stripe on the thigh from lighting matches. He uses them to light an old propane stove, and he cooks you pancakes while you stay snug in your sleeping bag.

Every fly he's ever tied is "gonna catch fish, and catch fish". All one million four hundred thousand of them. He once caught an eagle in his coat just to prove that he could. He never goes barefoot. His hands are calloused but his feet and lily white and if you tickle those white feet of his, he will needle you in the rib cage until you call uncle.

He's a crack shot. He can put six shots in the space of a dime with a pistol, hand held, at range. And if you're a young buck, hoping to take one of his daughters out on a date, he might just tack that target practice to the front door in case you needed any reminding to return them in the condition you found them. 

He sings well. He can sing opera, but he prefers Sinatra. He doesn't edit the words of bawdy songs, sung at volume, even for young ears. He always has a scheme. And he can always talk anyone into following it. He'll wake you up in the dead of night to pull something off. Even if it means shoving a fully decorated Christmas tree through someone's window, or dismantling a streetlight that he isn't fond of, or something else totally insane and barely legal...and you have school the next day.

Petting your head like a dog and saying, "You done good, halfpint" means "I love you" in his vernacular. You will spend your whole life trying to learn his language, just to say it back.

There's a hole in the Universe in the shape of that man. It matches exactly, height, width and breadth, the hole in my heart. And I will miss that man, more than words could ever explain.


Photo: At 18 in the Navy in a Night Club in Seoul. He was so proud of that ridiculous mustache.